30 Questions To Ask Your Shadow Self To Facilitate Emotional Healing

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Your shadow self has many secrets to share to help your emotional healing. What are you hiding from yourself? Why do you allow negative self-talk to control your life? What is the root cause of your anxiety and fear? These are important questions to ask yourself if you want to begin the process of emotional healing.

Your shadow self holds all the answers to what’s been holding you back in life. It’s time to face your fears, let go of old wounds, and start living a life that truly feels authentic and joyful.

Answering these questions, through journaling or meditation, can help you get in touch with your shadow self – the part of you that holds all of your fears, anxieties, and hurts. It’s important to remember that your shadow self is not bad or evil. It’s simply the part of you that contains all of the emotions and experiences you’ve been trying to avoid. When you acknowledge and accept your shadow self, you’re able to begin the process of emotional healing.

This is hard work, though, that will often leave you feeling sensitive and raw. Take your time, and don’t try to answer all of these in one sitting. Shadow work is going to take you many years (honestly, it’ll take your whole life). But it is worth it, I promise.

1) What situations or people do you tend to avoid?

Understanding what situations and people you tend to avoid can help give you insight as to why that is. Maybe there are certain triggers in your life that need to be addressed. Maybe there are people who represent something from your past that needs to be healed. By looking at the patterns of avoidance in your life, you can begin to understand the root causes of those behaviors and work on healing them.

2) What hidden fears do you have?

Although it’s important to become aware of your fears, some may be hidden so deep that you’re not consciously aware of them. By bringing these fears into the light, you can begin to heal and release them.

3) What aspects of yourself do you keep hidden from others?

There are some aspects of ourselves that we keep hidden from others because we are afraid of how they will react. We may be afraid that they will judge us or think less of us if they knew the truth about us. We may also feel like we need to protect ourselves by keeping certain things hidden.

However, when we do shadow work to heal past trauma, it is important to bring these aspects into the light so that we can deal with them head-on. By doing this, we can begin to understand why we have been holding onto these parts of ourselves and start to let them go.

4) Why are you afraid to be your true self around others?

This question is important to answer because it can help you understand why you might be holding yourself back in certain situations. If you are afraid to be your true self around others, it may be due to past experiences where you felt like you were not accepted or valued for who you truly are. By exploring this fear, you can start to work through the underlying issues and become more confident in being your authentic self around others.

5) What makes you feel unsafe or vulnerable in the world?

It is important to get in touch with what makes you feel unsafe in the world so that you can work on healing those triggers and vulnerabilities. By understanding your triggers, you can begin to develop coping mechanisms and boundary setting that will help keep you safe both emotionally and physically.

6) What parts of yourself do you judge as being “bad” or “negative”?

The parts of yourself that you judge as being negative are usually the aspects of yourself that have been heavily traumatized. By doing shadow work, you can explore these parts of yourself and start to heal them. This will help you to feel more whole and balanced.

7) Are there any areas of your life where you feel like a fraud or impostor?

When you have experienced traumatic events, it is not uncommon to develop a sense of impostor syndrome or fraud. This means that you may feel like you are not good enough or worthy of certain things because of the trauma that has occurred in your life.

Answering this question can help you identify any areas where you might need to do some extra work on yourself in order to heal fully from your past traumas.

8) Does people telling truths about themselves make you uncomfortable?

There is no right or wrong answer to this question. However, it can be helpful to consider how you react when someone tells you about their past trauma. Do you feel uncomfortable? Why might that be? It could be because hearing about someone else’s trauma reminds you of your own experiences. Alternatively, it could simply be because talking about difficult topics makes you feel uneasy.

Either way, recognizing and acknowledging your reaction can help you work through any discomfort and better understand why truths about others’ traumas make you uncomfortable.

9) What behavior makes you feel like you NEED to yell to get your point across?

You should answer this question when doing shadow work to heal past trauma because it will help you understand your triggers and how to better manage them in the future.

If you can identify what makes you feel like you need to yell, then you can begin to address that issue directly and learn new coping mechanisms. This question can also help raise awareness about any potential abusive patterns in your relationships.

Shadow work can be incredibly helpful when doing this kind of introspection. If you can identify what situations make you feel like you need to yell, then you can work on addressing those triggers in the future.

10) What situation do you continuously put yourself in that is out of your comfort zone?

This question is important because it helps you become aware of situations that may be causing you anxiety and stress. By becoming aware of these situations, you can start to work on healing the past trauma that may be associated with them.

You don’t have to push yourself into these uncomfortable situations, and doing so without a purpose can actually be more harmful than beneficial. However, by gently exposing yourself to these situations and working through the discomfort, you can start to heal the past trauma that may be holding you back.

11) Disregarding what others think, what do you want?

Let your shadow side truly answer this, no matter how dark or scary that answer may be. Why? Because usually what we want is buried so deep within us that it’s hard to even access without doing some serious shadow work.

For me, when I did this exercise, I found out that one of the things my shadow side wanted was someone who understood her and wouldn’t judge or shame her for being different. Someone she could be open with about everything going on inside of her – all the fears, insecurities and doubts – without having to worry about being rejected or judged.

She also longed for companionship and a sense of belonging somewhere; she felt very lonely most of the time. Although these are not dark desires, they spoke volumes to me because they were aspects of myself I had been denying existed inside me for years upon years; feelings which led directly back into my past trauma memories as well.

Write down what you discover; regardless of how dark, twisted or perverse it may be. This is an opportunity for your deepest desires and needs to come out into the open – no matter how unlovable they seem on the surface.

If your shadow side reveals something truly nasty and you’re uncomfortable, remember that you can burn any paper you wrote it down on. But don’t forget that answer. Work through it.

12) How does it feel when people are talking about topics you don’t like or agree with?

This question might be helpful to become aware of any avoidance strategies you may use in order to avoid feeling uncomfortable emotions, and also assisting you in exploring any beliefs or thought patterns that contribute to your discomfort around certain topics. Additionally, answering this question can help you identify any areas where you need further self-exploration or healing work.

13) What woman/man really gets under our skin and why?

Some people find it helpful to explore the person who gets under their skin in order to understand why they react so strongly to them. By understanding the root cause of your reactions, you can begin to work through any trauma that may be associated with that person.

14) Are most people all good or all bad, or can you see the nuance in their actions and beliefs?

This question hits at a common question people are asked when being diagnosed with Borderline. It’s important to understand this side of yourself, but also to realize that many people do not consciously reflect on the picture they present in their own mind before making decisions, even if what you see is different than what others would.

When looking at someone who has harmed us, it can be difficult to reconcile this with our beliefs about humanity and whether we are all good or bad. However, taking the time to consider both sides of this equation can help us learn more about ourselves and how we want to move forward in life.

15) How do you feel when someone breaks an important promise to you?

When someone breaks an important promise to you, it can trigger feelings of betrayal, abandonment, and rejection. This can be especially difficult if the person who broke their promise was someone you trusted or looked up to.

However, by doing shadow work to heal past trauma, you can begin to understand why the other person may have broken their promise and let go of any resentment or anger you may feel towards them. Additionally, working through your own issues with trust can help you create healthier relationships in the future.

16) Do people take advantage of your kindness or good nature?

When you are kind and good natured, some people tend to see this as a weakness. They may try to take advantage of your kindness by asking for favors or taking advantage of your generosity.

This can leave you feeling used and taken advantage of. By doing shadow work on this issue, you can learn how to set boundaries so that people do not take advantage of your kindness.

17) If somebody said something hurtful to you, would you confront them about it or internalize the pain?

There are times when confrontation is not the best option. If, for example, someone said something hurtful to you and then immediately apologized, it might be more productive to let that person know that their words hurt your feelings rather than getting into a full-blown argument with them.

Other times though, it can be helpful to confront someone who has wronged you in order to help resolve the issue between the two of you. It all depends on the situation.

18) What is a time where speaking up got you into trouble?

Speaking up can sometimes get you into trouble, especially if you’re not careful about how you do it. But should you let your fear of confrontation stop you from speaking up? Thinking of a time when you got in trouble for speaking up, try to think of ways it could have gone differently.

Would being more assertive or direct have helped? Would it have been better to wait for a time when the person you’re speaking to wasn’t so defensive? How can you use what you learned from this experience to improve your communication in the future?

19) What is something that you once believed but no longer do?

This question can help you to identify areas of your life where you may have outdated beliefs that are no longer serving you. It can also help you to see how your beliefs have changed over time, and how they may continue to change in the future.

By understanding your past and present belief systems, you can begin to create a more positive outlook for yourself moving forward.

20) Do the people around you treat you the way they should or do they take advantage of your good intentions?

Sometimes people take advantage of the goodwill you show them. By doing shadow work to heal past trauma, you can begin to understand why this happens to you and how to set boundaries so that it doesn’t happen again.

21) If somebody crossed a line with you, would you call them out on it or let it slide?

This question can help you identify what boundaries would have been helpful to set in the situation and might still be useful to set now. It can also highlight any areas where you tend to let things slide instead of saying something, which may indicate an issue with asserting yourself.

22) Are there certain topics that are off-limits for discussion in your friend group/family? Why is that?

If there are family secrets of topics of conversation your family avoids, this may indicate ancestral wounds that need healing. If you found that there would be consequences for discussing certain topics, root chakra wounds may also exist. Do some shadow work to uncover these wounds so you can heal them.

23) When was the last time someone made an assumption about you and got it completely wrong? How did that make feel?

Assuming someone got something completely wrong about you can be a very hurtful experience. It can make you feel like you are not worth anything or that people do not see the real you. This type of assumption can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. When doing shadow work, it is important to heal these types of wounds so that you can move on from them and live a more fulfilling life.

24) Have their been any major life changes recently (divorce, breakups, new job etc.) that have forced you to confront parts of yourself head on?

Major life changes can be very stressful and can force you to confront parts of yourself that you may have been trying to avoid. By doing shadow work, you can explore these hidden aspects of yourself and learn how to deal with them in a healthy way. This will help you to heal from your past trauma and move on with your life in a more positive direction.

25) In what ways do you like & dislike attention from others both sexually & non-sexually?

If there is something you do not like about the attention you receive, then that is a need that is not being met or a boundary being crossed. If there is something you love about the attention you receive, then that means your needs are probably being fulfilled in some way by this person or situation.

It’s important to be honest with yourself about the kinds of attention you enjoy and don’t enjoy because it can help reveal what kinds of things trigger your traumas (if any). It can also help identify areas where you may need more self-love and care.

26) What do you think is your deepest, darkest secret?

Yes, this can be a scary question. Don’t write it down if you’re journaling and you’re afraid someone else might see it. But this question can get at the core of what’s holding you back from healing your past trauma. Once you know what that is, you can start to work on letting it go.

27) What are some things that regularly trigger negative emotions for you such as anger, sadness or frustration?

Negative emotions, such as anger and frustration, can be triggers for reliving past traumas. By understanding what your triggers are, you can begin to work on healing the associated wounds. This will help you to move through life more peacefully and with greater ease.

28) On a scale from 1-10 how self-aware would rate yourself and why?

I would rate myself an 6. I’m aware of my triggers and how to deal with them in a constructive way. However, I personally struggle with following through with healthier coping skills.

Your answer may differ, and that’s okay! You can become more self-aware by paying attention to your thoughts and feelings, journaling, and seeking professional help if needed.

29) If you could go back and change one thing about the way you were raised, what would it be?

There is no right or wrong answer to this question, as it depends on what you experienced in your upbringing and what you feel would have been helpful for you.

However, some possible things you could change include more love and support from caregivers, a healthier family dynamic, better communication within the family unit, or different methods of discipline. Ultimately, the goal of shadow work around this issue is to understand why certain wounds were created in childhood so that they can be healed in adulthood.

30) Do you believe that our Shadow Selves always have to be repressed in order for an individual to grow & evolve into their highest selves?

I don’t believe that our shadow selves always have to be repressed in order for an individual to grow & evolve into their highest selves. Repressing our shadows can actually lead to further imbalance and unresolved issues.

However, your past is different from mine. You may need to repress pieces of your shadow self for a period of time to work through individual issues. In which case, I advise working with a therapist or other professional to ensure you are safe and healthy while doing so.

Good Luck Healing!

What are some things your shadow self would say to you? To help facilitate emotional healing, it is important to become aware of the thoughts and beliefs that may be holding you back. Once you have identified these negative thought patterns, you can begin to work on releasing them.

The questions above can be a helpful starting point in understanding your shadow self. If you find yourself struggling to answer these questions, consider seeking out professional help. A therapist can provide support and guidance as you work through this process of self-discovery.

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